Death Note drabbles
by TwistedShell
Summary: A few death note drabbles from Light and L's pov. Some slash, some hate. These are angsty, sad and much darker than I intended. If you're looking for fluffy L or Light... I can't help you with that...
1. Chapter 1

A drabble that was inspired by Two Will by Derpnote. Go check out their story. It's much better than mine XD ( s/13021582/1/Two-Wills)  
Each drabble here stands on its own. They aren't connected to each other unless specified.

L's dead, Light wins and he contemplates one night.

* * *

I was so sleep deprived in the beginning. It was the constant tap-tap-tap on his laptop as he presumably worked through the night. I would wake up every 30 minutes or so when he'd get particularly worked up over something only clear to him and his pace would increase until it just sounded like an assault on an unsuspecting key board. I asked him if he could get a silent one once.  
He just looked at me impassively and said " I need my equipment exactly as it is now in order to function optimally. Would Light-kun want my efficiency to drop? That would certainly increase his chances of being Kira by 3.7 %"

I never brought it up again, of course. My "kira percentages" were constantly being adjusted in those days, going up and then down. As my only concern was to have this ordeal over with I just shut up about it. A person can get used to anything was my mantra in those days. The tapping at night. Waking up in the middle of the night with him ominously looming over me, big eyes scrutinizing me even while asleep.  
It was disconcerting. I didn't sleep well, and my mantra played on a loop.

I think about those times increasingly often now. I wake up in the middle of the night. Not because of dreams, or regrets, or anything so trite.  
It's only… the quiet feels cold and alien now. It is such a notable, almost tangible lack of sound, it's disturbing. No crinkly wrappers, no sleepless madman assaulting his keyboard, no shifting feet rumpling bedding underneath them.

I don't care to indulge in fits of sentiment, but I admit I see him sometimes, sitting on the edge of the bed. Some fleeting image that I know is there before I look, since it's only there because I willed it into existence.  
It's brief and ethereal. And I entertain for a moment the thought of being haunted and I always come to the same conclusion; yes, but by myself.

Lately, I've tried to will an image that might bring this new ordeal to a closure. I will the image of him falling out of his chair and into my arms.  
I will the image of Rem turned to dust. But as always, right after that, my brain supplies me with the sound of rapid keys in a silent building.  
I don't think I'll sleep well again.


	2. Chapter 2

These drabbles just keep popping up so I keep plopping them down here, I guess. Let me know what you think of them.  
Also, sorry if you're into fluffy L I have no idea why mine just keeps being so self-deprecating and daaaaaaarkkkk...

* * *

It seems as though all of my life I've been surrounded by my shadows. And not in the melodramatic sense of it. It's no euphemism for my inner demons come out to play or torment. I mean this in an almost literal sense.  
It started with B, who made himself into a caricature and emulated me. And now it's Light. Every quality I find in him, I have found in myself first.  
And what does it say about me then, when I lay them down on the bed and strip them bare? What does it say about me that I've kissed them, and wanted them, and for each once upon a time thought I couldn't live without them?  
We three are much the same, but for one difference: I reflect on myself. I look at myself as honestly as I can and when I find something I dislike I don't cover it with pretties, or pretend it isn't there.  
Apparently what I do is love it, as arrogantly as I do everything else, and then I love people who have it, too.  
It is no wonder I share my bed with monsters, because in truth, I am that monster.

* * *

This drabble was inspired by a quote from L in death note rewind:

"There are many types of monsters that scare me: Monsters who cause trouble without showing themselves, monsters who abduct children, monsters who devour dreams, monsters who suck blood... and then, monsters who tell nothing but lies.  
Lying monsters are a real nuisance: They are much more cunning than others. They pose as humans even though they have no understanding of the human heart; they eat even though they've never experienced hunger; they study even though they have no interest in academics; they seek friendship even though they do not know how to love.  
If I were to encounter such monsters, I would likely be eaten by them... because in truth, I am that monster."


	3. Chapter 3

This drabble just happened, so I thought I'd post.

L contemplates Kira/Light.

* * *

I remember the first time I saw him. It was not on the security footage as most believe. Not in that room with Yagami-san besides me keeping a watchful eye on me as I kept an eye on his son.  
I first saw him at the very start of the investigation. Once I realized Kira must have some means to access secret files, I researched and personally profiled the immediate families of the officers involved in the case. Even then, as just a photograph from a tennis championship Watari had clipped and added to the file, he struck me as off. The more I researched him the more that feeling was confirmed.  
It is the kind of feeling you get when you travel to a country where there should be indigenous people, but no matter where you go you see none. Instead there are perfectly constructed buildings, pretty lights, and well manicured lawns to hide the blood that soaks the ground.  
This is the feeling I got when I looked at him brightly holding up his tennis trophy. He was insidious and I despised him.

I pride myself on my pragmatism. It in no small part got me to where I am today. That said, I fear no one is immune to the plague of humanity. As soon as I realized the intensity of emotion he inspired in me I took note.  
It was a tough case that forced me into sacrifices I hadn't considered an option before. For every layer of farce I stripped of off him, he returned it in kind.  
I found he was petty. Competitive. Arrogant. Later I found he used his looks to disarm and distract. Later still, that he had no real moral compass, though he wanted the world to believe he had. He wanted power.  
No, he had power. Clearly enough. What he wanted was to be noticed for it. To rule over justice at his own discretion, as a known and feared force while retaining anonymity.  
Once I had all the pieces in a row I laughed. A bitter laugh that tasted of self deprecation. I understood why I had despised him so.

Sorry, Kira, that position has been filled. "L" is the one who gets to be and do all those things.  
I _worked_ for that.


End file.
